Help Wanted: This reporting position at the Washington Post requires a high metabolism. No, not as a food critic.

The Washington Post seeks a skilled, energetic reporter to join the Inspired Life team as a staff writer. . . This role requires someone with a fast metabolism, excellent news judgement and exceptional interviewing skills. . . Inspired Life is part of WP Ventures, a startup within The Post, so we are looking for a nimble journalist with an appetite for experimentation and trying new formats, including newsletters, social video and audio experimentation.

I’ve read many help wanted ads over my lifetime and this is the first time that metabolism has been noted as a requirement. Energetic still pops up and those of a certain vintage know what this means: Don’t bother applying because the clothing you wore in your thirties is back in style again. But you’re not.

Does one need to get a doctor's note in order to prove their rate of metabolism to be employed by the Washington Post? There are always meds (legal or not) to get one moving.

I once wrote to an editor at a niche sports publication which posted an ad for “an eager young journalist.”

“Young is relative and as someone over 40, I certainly consider myself young and always eager to collect new stories and ideas and to use my wisdom and experience to bring unique, meaningful stories to readers. . . If you are defining young as someone under 30, then you have you eliminated a large swath of candidates with experience, wisdom, and maturity. And to quote the late, great Satchel Paige: "Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't matter."

Read more on my Substack, Pastrami a go-go and other rye tales of the city by clicking here.

Photograph taken by my father, Alan Schulman, when my metabolism was higher.